Tips for First Time Dads
The most exciting, but equally as daunting, time of your life. You are having a baby! As a father there isn’t too much you can do during the nine-months of pregnancy that contributes to the creation of your little one. Likewise, if your partner is breastfeeding, as a father you may often feel as though there is not much you can do to help with feeding. These things often lead to fathers feeling helpless and they may even worry this will affect their bonding experience with their new baby. It is normal to feel these things. Having a baby is a massive life change. It changes your social life, home life and even your relationship with your partner. Just remember, take everything one step at a time. You won’t know how to do everything straightaway, it takes time to adjust to your new addition. Being a parent is one of the hardest but most rewarding things you will experience. To help you navigate this new chapter, we have put together a list of a few tips and tricks.
1. Bonding
Start the bonding process early. Pre-birth bonding for fathers may seem impossible. A mother has a 9-month head start on the bonding process but dads can do a few things to kick start the bonding process pre-birth. Babies can hear things from within the womb from as early as 18 week gestation. It might feel silly to do, but talk to your baby in the womb everyday, sing or read. Little things like this can help strengthen the bond between you and your baby. Once your baby arrives, you can develop a strong bond with your baby through a variety of methods. Skin-to-skin contact as soon after birth as possible. This is something you can continue in the upcoming months too to increase a dads closeness with their little one. Skin-to-skin allows your baby to learn your smell, feel your heartbeat and help them to relax and feel safe. Baby massages are also an excellent tool for increasing the bond between baby and dad. Note- before beginning any massage techniques on your baby, ensure you are educated on safe massage techniques. Your local area will most likely run a baby massage class that will teach yo all you need to know. Baby massage promotes the same amount of eye contact with more skin-to-skin contact as breastfeeding. It allows a baby to smell, feel and see their dad increasing the closeness between father and baby. Regular massaging has also shown to improve a babies sleep patterns, ability to relax and their fine motor skills. Massaging stimulates the production of the hormone oxytocin in the father and the baby to help further cement bonding between the pair.
2. Feeding
If your partner is breastfeeding it can often feel like you have no part to play in the feeding department. But this couldn’t be farther from the truth! Even though you can’t feed your child, you can support your partner. Women enjoy the experience of breastfeeding a lot more when they are relaxed, ensure that you are providing your partner with verbal support and encouragement keeping her positive about the experience and reassure her that she is doing an amazing job. Breastfeeding will be exhausting for your partner and they will need to stay fed and hydrated. Although you won’t be able to actively help with the breastfeeding, making you feel like a bit of a spare part, be on hand to provide your partner with plenty of snacks and fluids, even if she hasn’t asked for it just do it! If your baby is exclusively breastfed, the night feeds automatically fall on the one with the boobs! But don’t just leave your partner to deal with it all by themselves. You may be working therefore sleep is essential for you to get through the workday, but on some of the feeds in the night try and be awake to fetch your partner water or do a nappy change so your partner can go back to sleep. If you and your partner have chosen to bottle feed or combination feed then you can have a more active role in feeding your baby. You may choose to breastfeed your baby during the day and bottle feed during the night, whether that be with breastmilk or formula. If this is the case you and your partner can take it in turns feeding the baby during the night so the other one can sleep and get some much needed rest.
3. Educate yourself
There is a lot to learn when it comes to looking after a baby. Men often share the common misconception that women automatically know everything about caring for a baby, but just like you we have had to learn it all too! To help you feel less overwhelmed about the whole thing, it is a good idea for you and your partner to sign up to some antenatal classes in your local area. These classes are also an easy way to meet parents-to-be in your area who will have babies of a similar age to your own. Don’t underestimate the power of a book. There are some amazing resources out there to teach you the basics of child-rearing. Don’t leave the learning to your partner and assume that they will pick up the pieces in the areas you lack knowledge in.
Check out our variety of cheatsheet guides below to help you learn the basics:
Bottle feeding
What should my baby sleep in?
How to safely hold a baby
Washing and bathing a baby
Changing nappies
4. Look after your relationship
Although it is the most magical experience finally getting to meet a mini version of you and the person you love most, having a baby can be a testing time for ever the strongest of relationships. Transitioning from a couple to a family of three is undoubtably a massive adjustment. You were used to having the freedom to do whatever you wanted whenever you wanted but now your life revolves around a tiny baby and their every need. This change can put a strain on your relationship with your partner. Sleep-deprivation and the stress of looking after your baby is a lethal combination for any relationship. An open line of communication between you and your partner will be an essential element for the maintenance of a happy partnership. Ensure you carve out time to listen to each other and speak about any conflicts so they can be resolved as soon as possible. You may feel overwhelmed and anxious about doing certain things surrounding the care of your baby whilst your partner may feel like you aren’t doing enough to help. Failing to talk about these feelings with each other can lead to miscommunication and feelings of being misunderstood.
It is also very common for women to experience postnatal depression. Feeling down and anxious after birth is a very common symptom in women. It is better known as the ‘baby blues’. These symptoms of low mood and tearfulness often subside after 2 weeks. If they last longer this could be a sign of postnatal depression. Postnatal depression can put a massive strain on the sufferer and those around them. As a partner, it is essential that you are aware of the symptoms and signs to look out for that indicate a woman is suffering with postnatal depression. A lot of women don’t realise they have postnatal depression as it can often come around gradually. If you suspect your partner is suffering from postnatal depression encourage them to talk to their GP or midwife. Be there for her and listen with empathy, reassure her that you are there to support her. If you are in a position to do so, it can also be a good idea to ask family and friends to help by making meals for your family or helping around the house so you can give your full attention to your partner.
If you have the luxury of having family nearby to lend a helping-hand or are in a financial position to hire a babysitter, organise a date night with your partner. This doesn’t have to be anything fancy or extravagant. A simple dinner or even a movie night at home can provide you both with some much needed alone time to reconnect with each other and communicate uninterrupted by your baby needing a feed or a nappy change. Use this time to show your appreciation for each other. Sex. Often the last thing either of you will want to do when you haven’t slept in days and haven’t even had time for a shower. Many people struggle to find the energy or drive for sex after having a baby but being intimate with your partner is an important element to maintain closeness and connections in a relationship. Even if you are not in the mood for sex, closeness and verbal reminders of attraction to each other will help to keep you both happy within the relationship.
5. Help in any way you can
Birth takes a massive physical toll on the body. Your partner is going to need a lot of time to rest and recover. Help out around the house in any way you can. Do the laundry, cook for the house, do the grocery shopping. Even the smallest things will be the biggest help.
6. Look after yourself
We often talk about postnatal depression in women. But a mans mental health following the birth of their baby is an equally as important topic to discuss and be made aware of. Postnatal depression can affect men just as it can women. Adjusting to parenthood can be an emotional and stressful time that can leave you feeling overwhelmed and deflated. Although men don’t experience the same hormonal changes as women do during birth, the most common contributing factor to postnatal depression, men do experience their own set of hormonal changes in the lead up to the birth. Testosterone in men drops a few months prior to the birth and increases again in the months following. This dip in testosterone levels is associated with postnatal depression in men. Talk to your partner about the symptoms of postnatal depression so that you are both aware of the signs and symptoms to look out for in each other. If you suspect you are suffering with postnatal depression reach out to someone for help, be it your partner, friend or health care professionals. It’s ok not the be ok.
When you are sleep deprived your baby’s frequent screams can cause great distress. Your baby won’t settle, won’t eat and keeps crying. Your are overwhelmed and can’t cope. It’s ok to put your baby down in a safe space and walk away for a moment to compose yourself and take a deep breathe. Ask for help if you need to. There is nothing wrong with admitting you are not ok.
If you need help straight away, call the Samaritans on 116 123
