Spooky Season
Halloween is a fun time of year, but it can be a scary, rather stressful time for young children. It is often their inability to distinguish reality from fantasy that brings on a child’s anxieties about this holiday.
There are ways in which we as parents and caregivers can make children feel safe during the halloween season. Being aware and on the look out for fear within your child is the first step to ensuring a safe time.
When exploring the world, fear is a common emotion for a child to experience. It is essential for them to feel this emotion to develop their social-emotional understanding. But, there are a few things we can do to help them navigate negative emotions. It is encouraged that parents and caregivers talk to their child with empathy. It is important not to pressure your child into being brave and confronting their fear. You can encourage them to slowly and progressively expose themselves to their fears but ensure you validate their feelings throughout the exposure and do not belittle them.
It is completely normal for children to be afraid of halloween. It is a day created to deliberately scare people. It is a day out of a child’s normal routine. They are allowed to stay up later than normal, dress up in costumes and walk around at night asking neighbours for sweets! To help your child deal with the abnormalities of this day it is important to be able to recognise mild anxiety towards scary decorations from paralysing fear during the entire spooky season. It is normal for a child to be startled by halloween decorations or be hesitant to partake in trick-or-treating. However, if your child is experiencing paralysing fear over the holiday, refusing to leave the house in fear of seeing halloween decorations and having severe nightmares during this holiday, this may be more than mild anxiety and it may be wise to raise this with outside sources such as a children’s therapist.
Anxiety makes us want to avoid the subject of the fear. If your child is experiencing feelings of anxiety towards halloween, our instinct is to protect them from all things scary. Whilst this may provide your child with relief from their fears in the short-term, this may enforce your child’s anxiety and enhance their fear of halloween long-term. Avoiding the thing we are scared of reinforces the idea that it is something worth being frightened of. The longer we avoid these things, the harder it is to confront them in the future. A common form of therapy to practise with anxious children is Cognitive behavioural therapy. This type of therapy is centred around exposure. However, it is important to note this needs to be gentle and gradual exposure. Gently exposing your child to the idea of halloween and halloween related items helps children to face their fears by building their confidence around their fears. It teaches them to tolerate their feelings of anxiety without becoming over-whelmed with fear.
If your child is experiencing mild anxiety towards halloween decorations order some halloween items online with them. Avoid going to the store with them to choose decorations as this can be over-exposure and enhance their fears. Choosing the decorations online together with your child will make them feel involved and encourages their engagement with their fear in a controlled manner. Be selective with what you choose. Don’t over-do it and make sure the decorations you choose are suitable. Less is more in this situation. Remember, the goal is to gently expose your child to their fear, avoiding over-exposure. Having a selection of decorations within the home will help your child familiarise themselves with ‘scary’ halloween decoration, reducing their anxiety over the holiday.
Children are often scared of treat-or-treating too. This is extremely common and is something we both experienced as children. Whilst we can’t control who does and does not knock on our front door, we can do somethings to minimise your child’s fear. During the lead up to the day itself, put a little sign on your front door or front gate politely asking people to avoid trick-or-treating at your house. You can still leave a candy bowl out but encourage children to take some sweets without knocking on the door. Even with a sign people don’t always pay attention so theres a chance people will try trick-or-treating at your house regardless. On the night of halloween when most people are out on the streets knocking on everyones door, try and set up an activity to distract your child from what is going on outside. Put on a movie and turn the volume up slightly louder than you usually would, or let them invite a friend over so they will hopefully be too busy playing to notice any noises from outside. It is also a good idea to switch off your doorbell on this night to reduce the chances of your child hearing people at the door.
Addressing anxieties about halloween the night before will not be of any help to your child. On the lead up to the 30th of October have regular conversations with your child about the difference between fantasy and reality. Connect this to something your child is already familiar with like playing dress-up or pretend games. Explain how on halloween people dress up in costumes, but just like when they dress up as a fairy or a dinosaur, it doesn’t mean it is real. Enforce the idea that whilst some halloween costumes may appear scary, they are not real. Children learn through routine and repetition. As well as discussions about differentiating reality from pretend, repeat conversations on what your child can expect from the halloween season. Remove the element of surprise from the day. Reading books about halloween is an excellent method of gentle exposure with the added bonus of it opening up conversations about the spooky season. Check out our library page for some suitable book recommendations.
Overall, halloween is about having fun. But don’t push your child out of their comfort zone so much that the holiday looses all sense of wonder. Here are a few child-friendly halloween activities to enjoy with your little ones!
Go Pumpkin picking. Find a local pumpkin patch to take your little one to. The pumpkin patch is a fun autumnal day out for all the family.
Pumpkin carving. Obviously, don’t let your child do the carving part! You could let them draw the design before it’s carved and get involved with scooping out the inside of the pumpkin. This is an excellent form of sensory-messy play allowing your child to explore new textures and practise their motor skills.
A halloween scavenger hunt. Create a mini scavenger hunt around the house. Create little clue cards for your children to follow and find treats hidden around the house!
Throw a halloween party. This idea is especially good for children who gets anxious about halloween. Throwing a party lets you have complete control over the whole night to ease your child’s anxieties. Invite a few of their friends over. Do a costume competition, scavenger hunt or a pumpkin designing competition.
